re: all those Fashion Buzzkill BFs on Reddit

It’s a pattern at this point. The latest is the fun sock hater (who has a predecessor). There has also been the man who resented the fact that he was dating the real-life Ms. Frizzle, man who wanted to contain the creativity of his witchy GF, and the man who doesn’t like his literal Greek Goddess of a girlfriend.

Those are just the ones I remember, not to mention have encountered. The comments of those posts are full of women who’ve been similarly wet-blanketed by male partners. I know several not-on-Reddit examples myself.

This is officially A Thing.

The Fashion Buzzkill Boyfriend is a variation on the classic harmless-fun-grump boyfriends, including the star-crusher and the jar-junker. They may be plain old Controlling and Abusive Boyfriends testing the waters for how much they can force a woman to do for them. At best, they’re men who are attracted to fun, interesting, creative women, but resent those traits when the woman goes from a romantic interest to a girlfriend, partner, or wife.

It’s why the manic pixie dream girl trope is such an issue. At the end of the movie, the MPDG is tamed and boring, having spent her entire “quirk” reserve in the service of brightening up the male protagonist’s life. She’s well on her way to being the shrewish nagging wife that the man will eventually absolutely have no choice but to cheat on with a younger version of herself. And thusly the cycle of heterosexuality continues, I guess.

In real life, here in the 21st century, women like that generally become more confident and less reserved with age, having fewer and fewer fucks to give about curmudgeon opinions as the years pass. You know, like alive and real people, rather than an object of self-actualization.

And hell, some of us end up not being women at all, to the chagrin of the heterosexual men who wanted to use our more feminine incarnations for the self-growth they are unwilling to achieve by themselves. Oops?

So please, stop resenting women for the very traits that draw you to them in the first place. Enjoy the ride that is a relationship with a living, breathing, growing, changing human being. Witness her rich life journey to her final form. And maybe, just maybe, make an attempt to be less boring and stagnant yourself.

[ee-lie hee-na dad-uh-boy] Blogger, cat foster, and all-around Person Who Says Stuff.